Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
