They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
