He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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