Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
pray to the hookup gods
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
