Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
