Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
