What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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