just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
