she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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