His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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