is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
