exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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