My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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