Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
