You don't have asthma, your pregnant
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
sarcasm needs its own font
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
is that a dick in a sweater?
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