hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize