we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
