He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
