he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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