Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Green mimosas i think yes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
