I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
