my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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