11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
