what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
