Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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