see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
