I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
