Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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