I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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