So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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