i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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