I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
