I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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