I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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