How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
