It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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