i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
