he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
