Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
