I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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