I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
