Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
