Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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