I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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