this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
