as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize