So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
