Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
