I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
