My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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