i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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