I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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