Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
