Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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