so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
