Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
