That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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