I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
