I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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