The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
