Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
