and my herpes radar will keep us safe
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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