I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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