my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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