We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
