doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
