Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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