Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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