so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
