Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My penis needs a shock collar
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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